*GrInZZ*

was initially planning to go to town to pay some stuff, break my fast & headed to Bugis to look for sneakers wif my dearest... but a sms from dear lynn & msn msg from my dear bro Hahn, changes everything ....

Dear bro hahn was on leave tdy & kinda bored staying @ home.. asked me whether wanna meet up for breaking of fast.. i was online wif my dearest on messenger & invited him.. they chatted & finally agreed to meet up... & since baby meeting both of them, i asked dear lynn along .. so tdy it is 4 of us .. will be breaking my fast @ Selera @ Cuppage... dear lynn joining us there ... but the best part.. my dear bro hahn & my dearest fetching me @ my office ... not too sure wat we gonna do, but most likely shoot pool...

Nothing much @ werk .. very Relax for now ... but a bit down... not sure why though ...

*FrI*

Baby cleared my orders for the morning, changed water for my fishes & approved the invoices... not much werk (thanks goodness!!) kinda lazy .. plus the fact tat my manager is out to to site office (Yippee!!) ...

Finally the weekend is round the corner... got to catch up on some rest ... baby not too sure why but been feeling down & groggy lately (got to check my blood pressure!!).. no plans yet but mummy dearest already booked me on Sat morning to go geylang (arrgh!!!) ... not coz she want to but she have to... apparently the suit we bought for abah dearest is one size larger, so got to xchange it ....

Baby have not been breaking fast @ home since day one .. (hehehe).. simply got so much errands to do...

Yesterday, my dearest fetched baby from werk (despite the wet thurs) .. .was supposed to go town to pay some stuff but ended up @ Beach Rd instead... break our fast there (first time i finish my food!!!)... the crowd was not tat packed at all.. there were many seats available ... spend some quality time wif my dearest b4 he send me home ...

Dearest parents were not in bed so i spend some time with them ..but i was so sleepy last nyte.. skipped supper & off to slumberland... the weather been chilling lately ... baby really got to take care b4 my asthma returns... rite now, got to tackle my migraine probz...

*ThuRS*

Baby was almost late for werk... no idea why simply my brain & body just simply refuse to get up.. guess must be the migraine .... it still hurts alot ... really got to do something bout it before i end up banging my head against the wall

Yesterday gathering was an ok affair ... a bit dissapointed coz dear Aida cant make it (usual last min thingy!!).. Baby & my dearest arrived @ Park Mall first & ordered the dishes... Dear Lynn was late (wat else is new!!)... cant blame dear Hadi though for being late, he knocked off @ 1800hrs instead of the usual 1630hrs due to some werk commitment...

But the food was superb & not much of a crowd... i love the environment there ... we sat there till 2100hrs before we went our separate ways.. dear lynn & hadi went back together since both staying in the east... while baby & my dearest headed to my all time fav place coz i just feel like talking, really talked things out since there is so much on my mind lately.. but we didnt stayed long since baby too tired & not feeling well...

My dearest parents were still up when i got home.. abah dearest was showing off his new pair of boots while mummy dearest bought some new stuff for me ... spend some quality time with them before off to dreamland..

*@@@@*

Baby felt much better now... more calm & at peace.... though my terrible migraine simply dun wanna go away... looking forward to breaking fast today.. baby meeting my dear best frenz & lynn.. planning to go Park Mall to eat @ Fish & Co.,..

Crossing my fingers tat the rain will finally stop upon knocking off from werk.. my dearest fetching me later ... the weather been chilling lately .. looks hot @ first but cooling as each hour passes by.. thanks for my knee-high boots, making me comfy..

i been missing alot of pplz in my life ... the memories of them seems to linger ... been a long time i didnt see them... dear frenz like Trina & Naura... the brudders ... dearest Bro & Sis-in-Law .... the WarPigs... my Godpa, Tony.... the Harley Family ... not sure why the feelings comes... i guess its time for me to revive the old ties..

*????*

Why does it hurt so much?...
Why do U have to do tat to me?...
I was never the one who asked U to let me go...
But then, U the one giving me the cold treatment..

Where hav i gone wrong & wat did i do?
No matter wat, U still mean alot to me..
Cant u jus be happy for me?..
Sorry if i hurt u, but u jus hurt mine
Wondering whether u know how i feel?
Wondering whether u realise i am crying in the inside

*SaDWeD*

Cleared my morning order for the day.. somehow baby not in the mood to werk.. no idea why but i am feeling down ...maybe bcos of last nyte....

My dearest (who took half day!!!) fetched baby from werk & headed to my fav haunt, Raimah (hehehe.. tat makes it 2 days in a row!) for breaking of fast... dear Lynn was late, apparently she went home first from the office to change (hmm!!!)...

We sat there till almost 2030hrs... baby & my dearest tot of meeting a dear fren of mine somewhere in town when dear fahmi & sahril came ...

Things didnt turn out the way i expected & somehow my mood changed ... Didnt wanna show it but i was hurting inside ... hurting coz someone that used to be very dear to me (still does) gave me a cold treatment .. baby was really sad.. wondering wat & where have i gone wrong ..

Neway, me & my dearest bid goodbye & rode to my all-time fav place to think & find a peace of mind... trying so hard not to break down... while dear Lynn stayed there with dear Fahmi & Sahril...

We then headed to have our supper b4 heading for home... baby didnt get a good nyte sleep coz all the time, i was crying in the inside...

*ZZZzzz*

Baby been really tired ..be it day or nyte .. i guess my body havent adapt to the routine of Ramadhan...lucky for me, my MD is out of town for 2 whole weeks so werk kinda R&R.. but i guess it makes me sleepy plus the cooling weather ..

Yesterday, my dearest fetched baby from werk & rode to my fav haunt, Raimah for breaking of fast (made it just in time!!) ...from there, & headed on home since dun feel like going anywhere ... baby promised to call a dear fren to talk but alas was too tired to hang on & off to slumberland ...

Not sure bout the plans for today ... still debating to break fast @ home or out... Baby looking forward to tomorrow though.. gonna have a small breaking fast gathering @ town... meeting up my dearest Best fren & dear lynn...meanwhile counting the time for tomorrow to come...

*SuRah*

The 10 most beautiful surah

1) Surah Faatiha prevents the anger of Ur Rabb.
2) Surah Yaseen prevents the thirst of Qiyaamah.
3) Surah Dukhaan prevents the terror of Qiyaamah.
4) Surah Waaqiah prevents poverty.
5) Surah Mulk prevents the punishment of the grave.
6) Surah Kauthar prevents the antagonizing of the opponent.
7) Surah Kafiroon prevents disbelief at the time of death.
8) Surah Ikhlaas prevents hypocrisy.
9) Surah Falaq prevents jealousy.
10) Surah Naas prevents the whispering of shaitaan.

*GiRLFrienDs*

It is good to be a woman:

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses wif the mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We dun look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We dun haf to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our team-mate w/o ever touching her rear end.
9. We neva hav to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We hav the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex w/o having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware tat we will look like an idiot.
13. We will neva regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all Ur problems.
15. We can comment on how silly men are in their presence coz they dun listen anyway.

*WeeKEnd*

My long weekend wasnt tat bad after all despite the down feelings tat baby been having .... though i was planless @ first, i was like out of the house 3/4 of the time ...

Woken up to fri morning, Baby did my jog b4 uncle dearest came over to fetch me, dearest mummy & aunt for our breakfast.. decided to check out the foodstall @ Taman Jurong .. (wat a letdown!).. all of us didnt even finish our food ... definitely a no-no for me ...from there, we headed to FRIVEN warehouse sale ... baby was going ga-ga over the bedsheets & the price was so affordable.. imagine we spend a total of $250 for 8 bedsheets, 1 mattress protector & 10 pillows (definitely a gd bargain!!!) .. we then headed home.. baby freshen up & got dressed... though not been feeling well, i jus dun feel like staying @ hm... my dearest fetched baby & headed to FAR EAST to get some stuff.... joined dear lynn & her date @ S11 NLB for my late lunch... move on to PS for a while b4 separated from dear lynn & headed to MARINA Broadwalk Cafe to chill... i guess dear lynn must be bored wif her date (as expected!!) as she joined me & my dearest for a drink shortly after tat ...

Sat morning, baby did my usual routine of gym.. receive a call from daddy dearest, asking me to go geylang to get curtain cloth for my batam house... freshen up in record time & went home .. get dressed & waited for dearest uncle & aunt to fetch baby & mummy dearest.. dearest grandma wanted to come along last minute .... so went over to fetch her ...dearest mummy & aunt defintely shop around tat day .. bought a lot of things (cant blame them for tat)... its the only time we go geylang coz simply dun like the hustle & bustle during Ramadan... headed on home.. dearest uncle send baby back while dearest mummy going over to grans... gotten my short rest, freshen up & got dressed while waiting for my dearest to fetch me ... went to my favourite hangout, FAR EAST for lunch (baby was so famished!!!)... since baby really needed to relax so much, we rode to EAST Coast ...& went to my fav spot, Coffee Bean...dear lynn joined us later ...& we spend almost half the day there.. just chilling out & playing pool.... baby reached home late but had a gd day ..was treasuring every minute of things....

Tot of going swimming on Sunday.. but was too tired by then...was in bed till 1000hrs... practically lazing @ home waiting for time to pass by ... my dearest fetched baby around 1500hrs & headed to FAR EAST (goodness.. tat makes it 3 days in a row!!!)... rode to Sungei Road... baby simply love to go there .. though it looks a bit sleazy, but u can find good & cheap things if u hav the patience ... but one thing for sure, the weather is unbearable.... but i love every minute of it.. bringing me back to memory lane lookng @ some of the stuff.... headed to my fav haunt, Raimah for dinner... been almost a week didnt drop by... kinda miss the food there ... dear lynn, aloya & her beau joined us shortly... it was a gd gathering.. lotsa laughter going on.... dear lynn date(another one!!) joined us .... left after we get our ice-cream cake .. rode to PP for our game of pool...

all in all.. though it was something not planned ... i had a good weekend ... baby loves every minute of it ... and baby am so glad Ramadhan is here again... its time to strengthen the family bondage & friendship

*GrImS*

Long weekend is round the corner ... was really looking forward to it .. but now, baby feel so lost .... & suddenly everything seems so bleak... baby feel very blank... wat now?... the qns tat keeps running to my mind ...

Everything tat happen lately all comes in a sudden.. but baby left with no other options.. wat is done cannot be undone ...Baby tot of having a getaway but then, i just cant bring myself to do it ... i dun know why but its like my brain is telling me to do things but my heart telling me to do another ... baby really felt @ lost ... & my migraine is back, tis time it hurts more

*ThUrS*

Baby was supposed to go for tuition last nyte... but gotta forgo the thingy as my cuz was down wif fever ... so baby had dinner @ Jalan Kayu wif dear Fahmi.... we talked, really talked ... i didnt expect things to turn out this way but i guess its the best... baby tried to be strong all this while...

Dear Fahmi dropped baby off @ Pasir Ris ... was supposed to meet my dearest bro up... but the sadness in me seems to caught up .. i told my dearest bro tat i cant make it ... called dear lynn & meet up nearby her place .. by the time i meet her, tears start streamin down my cheeks... really glad tat dear Lynn was around listening to my woes tat i just lost someone tat means a lot to me again....

We went our separate ways after tat.. dear lynn headed home & baby off to somewhere to ease my mind...

i guess this year had been a bad year for me .. too much things had befall & i jus keep hurting myself again & again.... i keep telling myself tat i got to be strong on my own to face the obstacles of life ....coz u cannot depend on others

*WeEPS*

Do u ever feel lonely despite being surrounded by gd frenz??
tat is how baby is feelin rite now ...
i just feel so lonely ....
and it is haunting me ....
the jovial side of me seems to be fading ..
i dun know wat went wrong, and i wish i knew.....

*LOoKUp*

A 'Look up Table' for living

The most desructive habit ~ worry
The greatest joy ~ giving
The greatest loss ~ loss of self respect
The most satisfying werk ~ Helping others
The ugliest personality trait ~ Selfishness
The most endangered species ~ Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource ~ Our Youth
The greatest 'shot in the arm' ~ Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome ~ fear
The most effective sleeping pill ~ Peace of Mind
The most crippling failure disease ~ Excuses
The most powerful force in live ~ Love
The most dangerous pariah ~ A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer ~ the Brain
The worst thing to be w/o ~ Hope
The deadliest weapon ~ The tongue
The 2 most power-filled words ~ i Can
The greatest asset ~ Faith
The most worthless emotion ~ Self-pity
The most Beautiful Attire ~ Smile
The most prized possesion ~ Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication ~ Prayer
The most contagious spirit ~ Enthusiasm
The most important thing in life ~ GOD!

*Wed*

ArgHh!!!.. baby never felt tis weak for a very long time ... all my energy seem to drain out & no more strength to carry on.... its really been a very hectic month.. though my plant shutdown is over but it seems more werk tat need to be done .. cant complain but looking @ the other side, i am glad ... @ least my time & days is really well spend ...

sigh.. baby been losing touch wif my dear frenz.. been werking hard till i cant spare the time to see them... missing my dear best frenz esp... really need to catch up on things... one more weekday before the long weekend.... hmm, got to wait for my dearest parents to be back from batam tdy before i can plan for the weekend.. was planning for a short getaway initially but now having second thoughts ...

watever it is ..baby really glad for my dear frenz .. been smsin & calling me to keep in touch... THankS pplz ....

*MyWeeKend*

Not been doing much tis week.. mostly its R&R ...rite from fri after knocked off from werk, baby went to meet a fren & attend to some errands.... went back quite early as baby was too tired .... tot of retiring to bed, but instead spend some time wif dearest mummy catchin on some good movie on cable...

Sat morning... did my usual gym routine (its been weeks that i missed them)... meet up wif my dearest mummy & aunts for brunch...went back & freshen up while waiting for dear fahmi to fetch dearest parents & baby to Geylang... spend almost half the day there .. a bit tired but baby glad tat i am able to spend some time with them... headed on home .... wanted to go for supper @ nyte, but by then, the bed looks more tempting .. so its home sweet home for me on Sat nyte..

sun ... meet up my dearest aunts for brunch again wif dearest mummy .... went back to do some spring cleaning in my room... nothing on the agenda except meeting up the Warpigs bikers @ 1800hrs @ Coffee Bean Forum... then headed to my fav haunt, Raimah for dinner ... the boys wanted to go Coyote Ugly 2 @ Boayt Quay but baby just didnt feel like it so we went separate ways & baby headed for home..

This week baby really catching up on some rest..werk been hectic ... not looking forward to office today cos i know there is just simply too much orders...

*FrI*

ArrgH!!!.. All the energy in my body seems to drain out slowly... Baby like 3/4 done & over with all the orders .. but there are a lot of things on my mind lately ... things that not many knows about ... sigh... life is definitely a roller coaster ride....

really glad that weekend is here.. @ least able to catch up on some sleep & spend quality time wif my dearest parents .... got few plans lined up for Sat & Sun, but not sure if i am going to fulfill everyone of them ....like Kota Singa gathering @ EC, family outing in the late afternoon, dinner with some close frenz, meeting up with my dear WarPigs Bikers & the list went on & on ....

In a few minutes baby gonna say goodbye to my dear fishes on my table (weekend, here i come)... headed to some gathering .. not sure whether meeting anyone later on after that .... sigh...baby jus learn tat U cant please everyone ..so from now, i am gonna take things in my own stride & make myself contented (hehehe)..tired of the fast paced in my life ... better slow it down b4 i go crazy...

so pplz... have a good weekend ... missing some of u already...

*HOROSCOPETest*

If U are honest tis tells the truth - it's pretty good. Write Ur ans on a piece of paper, & NO cheating!! The ans are at the bottom..

1. Which is your favorite color out of: red,black, blue,green,yellow?
2. Your first initial?
3. Your month of birth?
4. Which color do you like more, black or white?
5. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
6. Your favorite number?
7. Do you like California or Florida more?
8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?

When U're done, scroll down. (Don't cheat)

Ans
1. If U choose:
Red - U are alert & Ur life is full of love.
Black - U are conservative & aggressive.
Green - Ur soul is relaxed & U are laid back
Blue - U are spontaneous & love kisses & affection from the ones U love.
Yellow- U are a very happy person & give good advice to those who are down.

2. If Ur initial is:
A-K U hav a lot of love & friendships in Ur life.
L-R U try to enjoy Ur life to the maximum & Ur love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z U like to help others & Ur future love life looks very good.

3. If U were born in:
Jan-Mar: The year will go very well for U & U will discover tat U fall in love wif someone totally unexpected.
April-June: U will have a strong love relationship tat will not last long but the memories will last forever
July-Sep: U will hav a great year & will experience a major life-changing experience for the good.
Oct-Dec: Ur love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find Ur soul mate.

4. If U chose.. .
Black: Ur life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for U, & U will be glad for the change.
White: U will hav a friend who completely confides in U & would do anything for U, but U may not realize it.

5. This person is Ur best friend.

6. This is how many close friends U hav in Ur lifetime.

7. If U chose:
California: U like adventure.
Florida: U are a laid back person.

8. If U chose:
Lake: U are loyal to Ur friends & Ur lover & are very reserved.
Ocean: U are spontaneous & like to please people.

*Motivation*

3 Things
Three things of life once gone never comes back -
· Time, words & opportunity
Three things of life must not be lost -
· Peace, hope & honesty.
Three things of life are most valuable -
· Love, self-confidence & friends
Three things of life are never sure -
· Dreams, success & fortune
Three things make a Man/Woman -
· Hard work, sincerity & success
Three things of life tat destroy a Man/Woman -
· Wine, pride & anger

FAILURE
Failure doesn't mean - U are a failure,
It means - U hav not succeeded.
Failure doesn't mean - U accomplished nothing,
It means - U hav learned something.
Failure doesn't mean - Tat U hav been a fool,
It means - U had a lot of faith.
Failure doesn't mean - U've been disgraced.,
It means - U were willing to try.
Failure doesn't mean - U don't hav it.,
It means - U hav to do something in a different way.
Failure doesn't mean - U are inferior.
It means - U are not perfect.
Failure doesn't mean - U've wasted Ur life.,
It means - U have a reason to start afresh.
Failure doesn't mean - U should give up.,
It means - U must try harder.
Failure doesn't mean -U'll never make it.,
It means - It will take a little longer.
Failure doesn't mean - God has abandoned U.,
It means - God has a better way for U.

SUN RISE
Every morning in Africa,
When the Sun rises, A deer awakens,
Knowing it has to outrun the fastest Lion, OR, be hunted to death....
Every morning in Africa,
When the Sun rises, A Lion awakens,
Knowing it has to outrun the slowest deer, OR, be starved to death....
It does not matter whether U are a deer or Lion, When the Sun rises,
Better be running at Ur best..
U only live once.

What do you really want to do and achieve in life?
Let's think, learn & share.
It is a meaningful journey.

*ThuRS*

Baby back 2 werk after taking half day off yesterday ...knocked off from werk @ 1300hrs, baby went to settle some insurance thingy & went to meet dearest mummy @ CPF building to top-up dearest gran CPF... (cant wait till Jan, where we gonna get the ERS!!!.. hehehe).. since baby was so hungry, headed to Long John Silver @ JEC before deciding where to go later... dearest mummy initially wanted to go to Geylang to get some cloth but change of mind.. we went to JP instead.... baby really went shopping.... bought 2 pairs of shoes & a bag (gotten them @ a gd bargain).... then home sweet home.

Baby was planning to get some rest @ first ... but then decided not to... freshen & dressed up in record time, went to meet a dear fren @ CityHall for a coffee (hmmm, it was diet coke for me).... it was a short meeting coz baby meeting lynn @ kembangan to go dinner @ my fav haunt, Raimah ... jus the 2 of us since most of them are bz but we had some good conversation going on..... Dear Fahmi joined us for a coke & send everyone home.. by then baby was so tired.. tot of going straight to bed but didnt ... watched 'Dark Water' instead @ Central...

Lucky tdy werk was not tat bz... (@ least got space to breathe).... nothing on tdy coz baby got tuition later .... maybe going for a short dinner or something ... depending on baby situation.... Baby been under lotsa PRESSURE lately (arrgh!!!!)... really looking forward to weekend to get gd rest..... (cant wait!!!)

*TuES*

Tuition was fun last nyte since we were doin revision on my fav subject, Maths.... dear fahmi came over to fetch baby home despite down with a slight flu....kinda hungry, so went for dinner @ Bedok North.. had my Roti John Cheese.... headed home ... was really tired & my migraine has not recovered yet...

Waking up to the wet morning of Tues, really didnt feel like going to werk... but remembering the many request i had made, definitely got to process loads of purchases....whew!!!... been doin my orders since then .. finally cleared today order @ 1700 hrs ... though tired, looking forward to my date with dear Lynn @ Beach Road... gonna have my dinner of Tulang (been some time & kinda crave for it!)..hopefully tonite dinner will be a short one (hehehe..sorry sis!!) ... coz baby tired .. & not been feeling well....

*WheW*

Baby been super bz since friday till today... even my weekend was packed.... worked late last fri till almost dinner time, after tat settle some stuff & home sweet home.. too tired by then to go out so decided to just rest @ home...

Sat morning, baby took a cab & headed to WTC to catch my ferry to Batam... the weather was so wet, wishing i was under my covers then ...my dearest parents fetched baby & headed to dearest abah's office to clear some paperwerk... had my fav fried duck for lunch before going to get pillow @ 'Robinson'...off to a few places to check on things... by the time baby reached home, my eyes were half open... took a shower & me off to dreamland.

Waking up extra early on Sunday, got ready to go island visiting.... it was raining cats & dogs but we were left with no choice.. promised the island pplz already.. spend half the day there despite the weather... back in batam, we headed straight to the ferry terminal to take the ferry back.... it was almost 2000hrs when we reached Spore but i was glad to be back.. dear fahmi fetched baby & dearest parents, headed to my fav haunt, Raimah to get our first & last meal of the day.. baby was down with a bad migraine ....

Today, there is so much that need my attention .... was practically facing the computer the whole day... my head still throbs though .. lotsa things on my mind lately ...

*ThuRZ*

Rite after knocking off from werk, baby meet my dear godbro, Ezam for a chitchat.. been long time didnt do that ... we relished old times & there were so much laugter within us.. rite after tat, baby proceed to dearest abah bday dinner @ Heritage

Baby had a good family dinner & all of us had a good time ... after that, we drove off to Alif @ Bukit Gombak for our session of tea & otah-otah...we parted from there as my dearest bro & sis-in law need to go home early .. while dear fahmi sending dearest abah to werk with the company of dearest mummy & me...

Upon reaching home, after freshen up, baby was online wif someone tat i misses a lot (sorry dear fahmi!!! he stole ur phone slot... hehehe)..off to bed, feeling contented & full...

forgotten tat tdy, baby had a lunch appointment with all my colleagues coz its our accounts exec bday... we went to the same place (yikes) ... baby sure been having heavy meals lately ..... i am feeling sleepy by the minute, lucky for me, i got loads of werk...

no plans tdy... only my tuition....& then home sweet home... been tired nowadys ... come to think of it, has been some time baby didnt meet my dear brudders, lynn & my best frenz .. missing the ice-cream cake @ raimah too... maybe next week cos baby leaving for Batam tis weekend wif dearest parents...

*EMaiL*

Nice email from korea from an old acquaintance .... Korean Love Story -- Doll

I hav a boyfriend who grew up wif me. His name is Jin. I always tot of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found tat I fell in love wif him. Before tat trip was over, I took a step & confessed my love for him. & soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl

Jin, do U wan to go watch a movie?I asked.
I cant
Why? U need to study @ home?I felt disappointment grabbing me.
No, I am going to meet a friend

He was always like tat. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word love only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say I love U before. To us, there werent any anniversaries at all. He didnt say anything from the first day & it continued till 100 days 200days Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why. Then one day

Me: Um, Jin, I
Jin: What,dont drag, just say
Me: I love you
Jin: just take this doll and go home.

That was how he ignored my three words & handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many. Then one day came, my 15th year old bday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party wif him, & stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But lunch passed, dinner passed & soon the sky was dark, he still didnt call. It was already tiring to look @ the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me & woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy & I ran out happily.

Me: Jin
Jin: Here,take this
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: Whats this?
Jin: I didnt give it to U yesterday, so I am giving it to U now. Im going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?

I felt so sad, I tot he would remember my bday. He turned around & walked away like nothing had happen. Then I shouted

Wait
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me
Jin: Wat?!
Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind & clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words & left.

I dont want to say that I love someone so easily, if U are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.

That was wat he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb & I collapsed to the ground. He didnt want to say it easily.How could he. I felt that, Maybe he is not the right guy for me. After tat day, I stranded myself @ home crying, just crying. He didnt call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. Thats how those dolls piled up in my room everyday. After a month, I got myself together & went to school. But wat made the pain resurface was tat I saw him on a street wif another girl. He had a smile on his face, one tat he never showed me as he touched the doll. I ran straight back home & looked @ the dolls in my room, & tears fell. Why did he gave these to me. Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls. In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down & walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself tat I am going to 4get him, tat its going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought U were pissed, U really came?

I couldnt help hating him, acting like nothing had happen & joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual

Me: I dont need it.
Jin: Wat.why

I grabbed the doll from his hands & threw it on the road.

Me: I dont need this doll, I dont need it anymore!! I dont want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
I’m sorry. He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll
Me: You stupid! Why are U picking up the doll?! Just
throw it away!!!
But he ignored me & just went to pick the doll.
Then Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
Jin! Move! Move away! I shouted…
But he didnt hear me, he squatted down & picked up the doll.
Jin, move!

HONK~!! Boom! That sound, so terrifying. That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me. After tat day, I had to go thru everyday wif guiltiness & the sadness of losing him… & after spending two months like a crazy person. I took out the dolls. Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him & started to count the days when we were in love. One,two, three.That was how I started to count the dolls. Four hundred and eighty four four hundred and eighty five It all ended with 485 dolls. I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly I love U~, I love U~
I dropped the dolls,shocked. IloveU?? I picked up the dolls & pressed its stomach.
I love U~ I love U~ It cant be!
I pressed all the dolls stomach as it piled on the side.

I love U~
I love U~
I love U~

Those words came out non-stop. IloveU
Why didnt I realize that. Tat his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didnt I realize that he love me this much. I took out the doll under the bed & pressed its stomach, tat was the last doll, the one tat fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the one tat I was missing so much

Jo,Do you know wat today is? We have been loving each
other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldnt say I love you Um, since I was too shy. If you forgive me & take tis doll, I will say tat I love Ueveryday till I die Jo I love U

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked
god, why do I only know about all this now? He cant be by my side, but he loved me until his last min. For tat & for that reason to me it became courage to live a beautiful life

It's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose someone that you love with your useless pride!!

*MyWeD*

Baby been under the weather lately .... tot of taking a break but there are so much that need to be taken care of @ the office.... looks like i got to be patient for some time...

Baby really glad that i managed to spend some quality time with my dearest parents last nyte... after knocking off from the office, baby headed to run some errands before going home... after the isya' prayer, dearest abah wants to buy something @ Daiso @ IMM for his garden @ Batam house.. We managed to get all the things tat he wanted... then off to Giant to get my fav Mango juice....

While waiting for dear fahmi to fetch all of us from his class, we joked & chatted... then headed of to Al-Ameen @ Bukit Timah for dinner cum supper .... we met my dear Godbro, Ezam when we were bout to drive off... chatted a while & home sweet home....

@ Home, we watched dearest abah fav tv channel TVRI for his weekly 'Dangdut' show..... exactly midnite, baby hugs dearest abah & give him his bday wishes...

Talking bout dearest abah bday today, cant wait to knock off... we going to have a family dinner @ NyoNya Restaurant called The Heritage @ Omni-theater ....been long time didnt meet my dearest bro & sis-in-law....really looking forward...

*ToUched*

Baby really touched by wat my dear Trina had blog bout me (thanks dear!!) ... I am so glad that after all that had happened, i still had my dearest family & frenz to keep me strong & going ... & wat makes me even glad that my ties with them become stronger...

Been telling myself to blog bout it, but i just could not gather enuff courage & proper words to describe the love, sweet memories & ordeal that i have gone thru within a short period of time...even up till now, the memories of him still lingers....and that is when my tears started to flow down my cheeks every now & then... maybe one fine day...

Even up till now, baby trying hard to get over it.. its not easy when u lose tat special someone who means the world to u ...it will take a very long time for baby ..

It doesnt matter what other pplz have labelled or accused me of, as long as i know that in the eyes of the late family & close frenz, i did nothing wrong ....

as my dear trina put it. we were so much in love, really in love...though its just for 2 weeks, its 2 full weeks of pure love, joy & laughter... Even though he is not around anymore, he will be embedded in a special place in my heart...now & 4eva missing him...

*ToDaY*

got this from my godbro who studying in UK now,sensing that i was down ... really meaningful..so i tot i share the wellwishes ...

Yesterday was to learn & tomorrow will be the consequence of wat i can do tdy.
Tdy i will face life wif the conviction tat tis day will not eva return.
Tdy is the last opportunity i hav to live intensely, as no one can assure me tat i will see tomorrow's sunrise.
Tdy i will be brave enuff not to let any opportunity pass me by, my only alternative is to succeed
Tdy i will resist pessimism & will conquer the world wif a smile, wif the positive attitude of expecting always the best.
Tdy i will make of every ordinary task a sublime expression.
Tdy i will hav my feet on the ground understanding reality & the stars' gaze to invent my future.
Tdy i will take the time to be happy & will leave my footprints & my presence in the hearts of others.
Tdy i invite u to begin a new season where we can dream that everything we undertake is possible & we fulfill it, with joy & dignity

*TireD*

Baby feeling sickly & feverish tdy ... think me going down wth a flu & my joints are all achy.... didnt do anything much during the weekend though...

Fri~ dear fahmi fetched baby & headed to dear Bro Sumantri's family shop @ AMK for dinner ... had my usual 'Soto Ayam' while dear Fahmi had his 'Gado-Gado'..we then off to fetch dear Aloya from her place & headed to my fav haunt, Raimah to join dear Hadi & lynn... proceed to Kallang for our bowling session.. the rest of my dear brudders didnt join as they were all @ home watching an old malay movie 'Ali Setan'... had our supper @ ASM .. dear Fahmi send all of us home after that ....

Sat ~ baby tot of going for my gym session but was too tired ... it just feel so good in bed ... but around 1200hrs, baby headed to visit my dearest gran.... spend some time jibbering & jabbering with her ... dear Fahmi fetched baby after he knocked off from werk & headed to IMM to have my brunch....finally had my lasagna @ KFC... dear lynn joined us bout an hour before proceeding to her part time werk & baby went back home.. had my siesta & freshen up before going for dinner @ dear fahmi's place ... joined the dear brudders @ As-Salihin @ Tampines after the soccer game..... went back early coz baby too tired....

Sun~woken up to dearest mummy's voice .. asking me to get dressed for breakfast .... baby had to really dressed up since gonna meet dear lynn @ bedok to accompany her to her fren wedding @ Pasir Ris ... baby went to JP first to have my bfast.. dearest mummy was down with running nose.... then took the train, off to bedok.... gave up halfway & alighted @ aljunied, took a cab & went over to fetch lynn... she was wearing the black kebaya while baby was all white... after the wedding, headed to dear lynn's sister place to have a change of clothing ... & headed to Tampines.. Spend almost half the day @ Tampines Mall..... took a cab & went to my fav haunt, Raimah for dinner... by then, baby getting weaker .... my appetite for food seem to diminish by the minute.. Dear fahmi came over to send baby & dear lynn home.

by the time my weekend was over, i still feel so tired, lethargic more like it .... baby think baby been pushing myself too hard... its time to take a break....

*StressBusters*

Some tips from Singhealth on how to relieve Ur everday stresses...

*Get away from home or office for a while each day
*Think positive
*Women who breast feed
*Get a hobby!
*Dissapear to a SPA*Get out! (leave ur desk for 10min change of scene)
*Be more efficient & forward thinking
*Learn to say 'NO'
*Take a deep breath & count to 10
*Aromatherapy can be a great help
*Do deep breathing exercises
*Laugh when u can
*Meditation can fire inner resources
*Have fun ~ U deserve it

*ThuRZ*

Baby is so TIRED tdy, awfully tired ...cant blame anyone but myself (hehehe)... been 2 nytes, baby stayed up late to watch tv..... Disney channel always have gd stories in store after 11pm... kinda lost track of time .... i guess its jus my lack of disipline to go to bed early... (hehehe!!)

My partner is on urgent leave..apparently her 2 sons having high fever (pity her)... but it also means tat i hav double werkload (arrgh!!!).... am glad tat i can manage ...

nothing on the agenda tdy except for tuition later ... a week more to 'N' level.....suppose to meet up dear hadi since we going on the way, but he werking OT till 7 (too bad dear)... & after tat, maybe off for late dinner or straight home ... cant wait to go to dreamland ... gonna be all alone for 2 nytes as my dearest parents is out of town, @ my batam house... missing my dearest parents already ....

Okies.. gotta clear my table now & feed my fishes....

*WeDZ*

Yesterday was one of the lovely gathering Baby had ... I simply enjoyed myself & treasured the moment....

Baby made my way to my fav haunt, Raimah after werk....meet up with dear Lynn & Aloya @ kembangan Mrt first .. had our delicious dinner & dessert... dear bro Hafiz & Sheerhan joined us... Shortly after tat dear fahmi arrived after sending his bro off.... waited for dear bro Sumantri & my dearest 2 best fren, Hadi & Aida to come next...

We didnt go anywhere cos it is a working day today... but we had lot of laughter going on.... it been quite some time we didnt have such a big group gathering ... remembering the last one was @ the bday chalet which was like in July... & tat was like months ago!!!...

*MsgOfEDaY*

Everyday, we awaken wif another chance @ life.sometimes we forget how lucky we are & we often forget to appreciate the little things around us, tat mean so much.
Baby gotten this from a dear fren first thing in the morning & it touches my heart.. tot i share tis with all my dearies & let me say a big Thanks for being my fren..

Too often we dun realise wat we have until it is gone;
Too often we wait too long to say "I'm sorry-I was wrong."
Sometimes it seems we hurt the ones we hold dearest to our hearts; & we allow foolish things to tear our lives apart.
Far too many times we let unimportant things into our minds; & then it's usually too late to see wat made us blind
So be sure tat u let ppl know how much they mean to U; Take tat time to say the words before Ur time is through.
Be sure tat U appreciate everything u've got & be thankful for the little things in life that mean a lot

*AdVise*

For those pplz who love drinking chinese tea like Baby...

Many people were seen drowning themselves wif chinese tea immediately after a heavy meal as they believe tat tis can dissolve or eliminate the fat they have consumed, & thus they can feel better & less guilty.

However according to radio deejay of 97.2, Billy, at his health programme talks daily, he has mentioned that tis belief is WRONG !!!!! In fact, drinking chinese tea immediately after a meal will washed away the calcium, iron & other nutrients in the food U hav taken as chinese tea is a neutralizing agent which will neutralise all these nutrients.

Remember the food you taken does not breakdown into fats until a few hours after. So, by drinking chinese tea immediately after food will not dissolve or eliminate the fat ; instead it neutralise all Ur other nutrients first.

Chinese tea is best taken 1-2 hours after meals........

*FastinG*

Time really goes by like a flash of lightning ... its already October .. Ramadhan (my fav month in Muslim calendar) is round the corner .... cant wait for it to come ...

Wat baby loves most during the month of Ramadhan is the togetherness of family when it comes to breaking of fast...the bondage becomes stronger... it sure brings baby back to memory lane, thinking of me and my dearest 2 big bros when were in our teenage years..

We will always assigned task within ourselves in doin the setting of tables, giving food to neighbours, clearing after meal & washing the dishes....

And when 'Sahur' time, dearest mummy always feed me (actually not only fasting month but till now if baby tired or lazy to eat...hehehe)...

All my dearest bros are all married off, which left baby and my dearest parents @ hm...but thinking of those times, left a smile on me...definitely misses my dearest 2 bros

*MeaninGFuL WorDs*

Everything that happen in this world, there is no absolute good or bad.

Sometimes good things turned out to be bad things eventually while bad things become a gain.

Whatever good things that happen to you, enjoy it,But dont have to hold too tight to it, treat it as a suprise in your life.

Whatever bad things that happen to you, dont have to feel too sad or despair, in the end, it might not be a total bad thing after all.

If one can understand this, he or she will find life much easier.....

*!!!!*

Remind baby not to go town alone again... arrgh!!!... it is so frustrating .... with the hustle bustle of the town, really a wonder how ppl can cope werking there....

Baby didnt want to go to town actually... but i have to make some payment & the deadline was yesterday, i was left with no other alternative .....

Really felt out of place ... since baby not used to go out alone ..... definitely a no-no for me anymore .... once bitten, twice shy...

*WoRDs*

Lets us look wat baby find out

F ~ Father
a ~ and
M ~ Mother,
i ~ I
L ~ Love
Y ~ You

W ~ Washing
I ~ Ironing
F ~ Food
E ~ Entertainment

H ~ housing
U ~ Understanding
S ~ sharing
B ~ Buying
A ~ And
N ~ never
D ~ demanding

H ~ How R u?
E ~ everything alright?
L ~ Like to hear from u
L ~ Love 2 C u soon!
O ~ obviously, i miss u

such simple word, yet so many hidden meaning ...